The need for recognition in the form of likes and followers… Most days I feel at peace, knowing that I write and share because it’s part of my journey – it feels good to express. Today though, I feel angry with the fact that I seemingly can’t be myself and get recognition. It seems like the only way to be recognized is to have abs of steel, a plump ass, look real pretty and wear tight, sexy dresses and lots of makeup… Or post deep and intellectual content that motivates and validates, like “You’re a queen and a goddess, you deserve a man that treats you as one, here are the red flags to look out for”. People state truths that often appeal to one side of you, making you feel validated, yet the whole picture isn’t acknowledged. It feels like a gospel to me.
To learn more about my anger, I let myself feel it. I gave it space to express. I saw a part of me standing in front of a big crowd. I felt a desire to force them to look at me – I wanted to forcefully silence them and make them SEE me. With a loud, strong voice, I told them that they are focusing on the wrong things. “You only care about stuff that doesn’t matter, the news, neighbor gossip or what the president tweeted! What the fuck is wrong with you!” I felt my sobering truth… I have wanted to be seen since the day I was born, and these are the things people care about. The latest presidential tweet is more important than seeing me.
… I looked at my mom, she was in the crowd, and told her I don’t want to stay with her anymore. Neither do I want to stay with my dad. I don’t feel like being close to none of the others either, I don’t trust them.
My siblings are also there. They willingly act out roles that are both expected and approved of. The same goes for everyone else I’m observing. It makes me want to firmly grab people at their shoulders and shake them. Hard. To wake them up. I don’t want to live in a world where each person’s individuality isn’t the crux of the matter. The game of pretend we are doing, all for the sake of acceptance…
I want recognition for the act of showing up in my truth. And for my truth in and of itself. I also want people to understand that THIS is what I offer. Welcoming, wanting and celebrating YOUR truth, which will help you do the same. I only know of one way to make that happen, and that is by interacting with you. One-on-one. It doesn’t happen by me sharing a post that makes you feel validated. What about the other parts of you, do all of you feel validated? The real magic to me is to uncover all. Not a gospel.
That’s a big reason as to why I let you in on my internal dynamics. I want to show you what exists inside of me so that you can get a feel of what exists within you. It’s an invitation to uncover and unfold. I attempt to show you that all parts can be understood and pulled closer – all of you are welcomed. I find it incredibly brave to partake in this kind of process; it will gift you your truth, presence, and connection.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 