I fear backlash and rejections writing this. The pressure of being a good person has become palpable since Covid-19 was declared a pandemic. If you don’t follow the guidelines, you’re self-centered. Clearly you lack social responsibility. You should have no problem biting your tongue if you feel slightly uncomfortable, it’s for the greater good – think about those at risk.
My truth is, I don’t want to wear a mask. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. I don’t want to cause you pain, nor do I want you to get sick. At the same time, my truth is my truth, and I don’t want to throw myself under the bus for the sake of your truth. When two people have different needs, it should be possible to communicate those needs. It should be possible to find a third option.
The logic that seems to apply doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t make sense to cause myself pain to save someone else from pain. The argument is to care about the collective. Don’t I count as a part of the collective?
I know people have different truths when it comes to Covid-19. I know emotions are strong. I see the divisiveness and the tension. I imagine some people will react when I say: “I don’t want to wear a mask”. I imagine I will be told why I should wear one (I imagine I will get all the arguments). It brings up shame saying this but hearing about “the number of deaths” doesn’t change how I feel. It doesn’t make me want to wear a mask.
When you argue for what you think I should do… It locks us. We are individual beings. We have individual truths. It’s beautiful, or it could be.
If we both agree that we don’t want to hurt anyone, that we do in fact care about everyone, doesn’t it make sense to find a way that works for everyone? I’m interested in your thoughts. Does it make sense to find a solution that works for everyone? If not – why?
A third option – something that works for everyone. A dialogue that opens up instead of restricting. Working together to find solutions as opposed to firmly holding onto one’s own stance. I mean, please hold on to your own truth, I wouldn’t have it any other way. But when your truth is to make someone else go against their truth… It doesn’t work. (Sometimes it does, but it’s called coercion.) What comes up for me as I’m typing this is an unpleasant memory of a guy who forced his truth onto me. He wanted to fuck. He had all the arguments for why I should say yes. Would it bother you if I told him “yes”? Would you firmly tell me to stand up in a situation like that? It would make things easy if you could tell me when I should stand up for myself and when not to, but then the point would be lost, wouldn’t it?
If it SHOULD work though, to tell other people what to do. Why have I continuously been told to “accept that people don’t want to meet me where I’m at” or that “I can’t expect people to meet my needs – if they don’t want to that’s their right and I should respect that”. It feels God damn unfair to have accepted other people’s truth for a lifetime, and all of a sudden it doesn’t work both ways.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 