The childlike, stubborn, opposition-like energy I have been feeling lately, towards basically everyone, especially people on Instagram… The one who wants to walk up to people, step inside their comfort zone, and be all in their face… The one who wants to demand people to justify their words, to tell them: “who the fuck do you think you are! HOW can you claim to know! WHY are you acting like you’ve figured it all out! You have no idea if everyone works the same way, so stop preaching!”.
I judge her a lot, this part of me. I think she has an attitude (entitled brat-attitude). Her whole vibe is nailing people to the wall. Demanding them to explain themselves. What a nasty attitude. Entitled. Yikes. Who do she think she is?
In all honesty, I want her to learn some fucking humility. And to stop taking everything personal. I want to tell her that she should accept that people have a different opinion, and that she has no right to demand people to justify what they said. If she doesn’t like what they said, she is free to leave. “No one asked your opinion, so why are you giving it”, that’s what I want to tell her.
What a beautiful way to silence myself, huh. (I’m joking.) You know whose way of silencing that is though? MY MOM! Ehehhe. Surprise!
Seeing how I took on my mom’s attitude towards myself, it gives me a new lens in which to see the “brat” part. Is her attitude really the attitude of a brat? Or is it the attitude of a girl who is deeply frustrated with being fed truths about how the world works, that not only feels untrue, but also disempowers?
She doesn’t agree with the truths forced upon her by her mom.
As a minimum she wants my mom to explain her reasoning. She wants to know why, and how, until it makes sense. Then, and only then, MAYBE she will take it to heart. She wants to be allowed to ask all the questions, not just to my mom, but to everyone who speaks in absolutes. She’s only satisfied when all the pieces have clicked into place.
On a second thought… Woah! What a boss attitude. Honestly, I feel like inserting heart and fire emojis! I can see how she is super crucial. She’s not going to take on people’s truths unless they make sense to HER. And if people don’t want to explain why they believe in their truth to begin with, maybe they even get upset and tell me to take my entitled ass someplace else, she definitely isn’t going to take it on. In fact, she’s not going to interact with them anymore. I’ll take my ass someplace else – somewhere I’m welcome.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 