Tinder, and life in general, are currently adamant at presenting me with people who aren’t showing up fully. It has been a long and windy road untangling, understanding, and navigating my reactions to the experiences.
What I felt today has to do with what a lot of spiritual-life-motivation-quotes points to – life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.
When the same experience happened over and over I used to believe:
“I’m unhealed. The situation is given to me because I need to change my vibration. I need to work through whatever trauma is activated so that the outside changes to something more to my likings. Something more enjoyable. I’m messed up – a work unfinished, I’m traumatized, immature, a victim. I’m not at the right frequency.”
If anything should be considered “not right frequency” it’s that attitude, and yet, it’s not an attitude I want to push away. The attitude has been, and still is, doing its best when it comes to making me lovable.
The understanding I’m embodying on a deeper and deeper level:
“I have trauma. Baggage. Experiences that shaped me. When I experience something unwanted it’s not a message to change those experiences, the “vibration”, the feelings and believes SO THAT… I don’t need to change something inside in order to manipulate what’s on the outside. What the experience is doing is shedding light on something I can see and understand. It’s an opportunity and an option. A choice. I get to acknowledge something as part of myself, before deciding what action to take on the outside. When I keep getting the same kind of situation it is a practice experience. The famous boot camp: I get to practice my new way of being until it permeates my beingness.”
See how different it that is? I don’t have to change in order to NOT experience, I get to change how I relate to myself to be better equipped to navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life in a more smooth and self-supportive way.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 