Let’s say I’m in therapy. For anxiety. Let’s pretend that’s the reality. I keep being told (not asked) to “challenge myself”, to “push through my comfort zone”. They believe it will increase my life quality, as well as make me a functional part of society. I’m threatened with fear-based consequences if I don’t adhere, along with labels (the last one suggested by a former therapist was “Asperger”). If I do as they say and ignore my boundaries, if I go against what I feel is sound, they pat me on the back. There’s hope.
Being rewarded for going against my truth is messed up on some many levels, but that’s not my point. My point is, I’m taken aback by the assumptions / lack of questions. Why was I not asked what life quality is to me, and second, what if society has something valuable to gain from embracing me not fitting in? It doesn’t make sense to sacrifice an individual’s well-being so that the system can continue running (it literally doesn’t make sense, in my opinion systems should serve the individual)… (At this point people tend to say: “if you refuse to do your part, I guess you’re ok with not getting the benefits of the system!”. I would prefer to not be on my own if that’s what you’re asking. There has to be another way.)
Anyway… The connection that is drawn between illness and being unable, or unwilling to, fulfill certain tasks doesn’t make sense. Being diagnosed as ill for being a differentiated individual, it perplexes me.
As a kid, I used to express to my parents how the world should be different. “It’s not working”, I told them. “Look! They are not happy,” it has always been clear to me that people aren’t ok. I have memory of being told: “how do you think the world would continue to function if everyone were allowed to do what they want?”. That’s a clear message for a child. If everyone does what they want, the world will stop running. I didn’t have to know what that meant to feel scared.
It’s interesting when you think about it, the fear I invoke by taking a stance for myself as an individual. The assumption I awake is: “If we allow her to do it her way, everyone else will want it too”. What? First of all, the assumption that “doing what we want” is void of value to the greater good. Second, does “doing what we want” mean oblivion to, and lack of desire to care for, each other? Third, I get that it’s scary to no longer rely on familiar systems. Does the system fully serve its purpose if, given the chance, everyone would choose to do something inconducive to the system.
One thing I want to add… I think it would make a positive difference if everyone knew (felt knowing, not mental knowing) change as a process which will require you to face certain fears, just as it will confront perceived limitations. Responding to me not fitting into the system with phrases like “It won’t work because x, y, and z” doesn’t make sense. The fear is valid, the limitations might be real, but it doesn’t mean we avoid taking the challenge on. Taking them on is the process.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 