I feel angry just thinking about writing today’s post. I don’t want to explain myself.
…
Tempting to say: “let me explain”, but I’ll be creative with my use of words: Let me elaborate.
I’m tired of believing that every time I have a negative feeling, I have to communicate how I feel with an open and loving attitude. I’m tired of believing that people can’t differentiate between what I feel from their own self-worth. I’m tired of believing that when I feel upset, I must approach the one I’m upset with as a dog; crawling towards my master, explaining why I have negative feelings while making myself bad and wrong, begging for them to approve of me and to take me back into their good grace.
I’m tired of believing that if I let myself have negative feelings, no one will want to approach me. I’m tired of believing that, if I have negative feelings, people will frown, judge, and walk away, in order to make me “get over myself”. I’m tired of believing that when I have negative feelings, no one will care enough to invite me to share what I feel.
(Having a good realization right about now.)
I’m tired of constantly making sure the other person is ok, because if they aren’t ok, I won’t be ok.
Where is my axis of power in regard to these inner dynamics?
(1) It’s ok to have negative feelings. Don’t leave myself. Whatever the cost is, I don’t have to turn against myself. If push comes to show I can always choose myself over the other.
(2) I don’t have to see the other as an enemy. Chances are high they don’t know what kind of experience you want. It might be possible to have myself and the other person too. Tell them in clear terms what you need. If they don’t make adjustments to their approach, you have the proof you need. You’re free to walk away.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 