The Calendar has crossed my mind twice today as I was checking in to see how I was feeling, wondering what to share. Both times my immediate response was anger and constriction. It was a clear no to doing any sort of self-awareness-thinking-understanding. I knew there were conflicting feelings in regard to the topic I’m exploring with my new coach. I knew some of the feelings need my help to self-reflect to increase awareness. Finding common ground, taking aligned action, is the only way I know to make my dreams become real.
Finding common ground… Making my dreams real… Sounds like something I should put effort into, yet I can’t stand it. Not today.
I’m not even up for thinking about “how can I bring empowerment into this” unless the empowerment is: Scrap that. So, that’s what I’m doing.
Not going to think. I’m only going to do what feels good in the moment. I’m going to say “yes” and “no” accordingly (I have already been doing that since I woke up). I’m going for the feeling of satiated and enjoyment (the more I get to laugh today the better).
On a side note: I didn’t know I would feel as comfortable as I do resort to simple “yeses” and “noes”. Normally I would be all up in my face trying to figure out how to deal with (1) steps I need to take to make my dream a reality, (2) multiple and opposing needs I want to fulfill, or NOT fulfill, in the moment, and (3) the internal conflict between the part of me that argues FOR my dream, and the part who is telling me my dream doesn’t exist and/or all the reasons why I can’t have it IF it exist. I have a theory as to why I feel comfortable, but… Feeling satiated and laughing is waiting.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 