After my first encounter with therapy at 11, once at the age of 23, again when I was 26, 27, 32 and then 33, not to mention the private practitioners and coaches I have worked with, I have some pretty clear ideas about what works and what doesn’t. I thought I would make a series addressing different topics I think could be helpful if you are looking for a practitioner. I think my perspective could be beneficial when you are scrolling through post after post, written by people in the self-help industry. That being said, what I’m about to share are MY perspectives based on MY experiences; it is what has worked for ME. You might have a different upbringing, you might have different values and priorities, your design might be completely different etc.
So… Let me start with some backstory. I grew up with a mom whose way of speaking sounded very “sure”. She wasn’t good at navigating polarities, and often had a black and white thinking. She would say things like “this is just the way it is”. Needless to say, I did what many kids would do, I took her perspective as truth. Throughout my life, I rarely, if ever, questioned what other people, adults, and especially authority figures, claimed as “the right way”. You might look at me in disbelief, but I didn’t have the awareness that I could have a perspective that was (1) a valid expression of my truth, and (2) a perspective that was as valid as the next guy’s perspective. There is an expression in my mother tongue. It doesn’t translate well, but it goes: “in life, you have to swallow a few camels”. It is meant to convey the reality of relationships and that you can’t always get what you want. I took that as truth. At the age of 36, I no longer believe I have to swallow camels to make a relationship work. I see it as a perspective my parents believe to be true.
Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent. My main point is: I used to believe there was “a right way” and that if I could just find the right way, everything would be ok. I started working on my thesis and it quickly marked the start of an intense search for a different truth. I know, it’s a bit of a brain twister. I was looking for a truth that made sense to – a truth I could get behind. I roamed YouTube, read books, listened to podcasts, and talked to people who were experts in their field. I found spiritual teachers like Teal Swan, Eckhart Tolle, Bentinho Massaro, Brenden Durell and Ronja Sebastian. I later discovered Jeff Brown, Peter Levine, Ra Uru Hu, and Richard Schwartz. In the last few years, I have seen a number of coaches who boldly preach manifestation, quantum leaping, shifting timelines, rapid expansion etc. There is no end to the messages that tell you how to create a 7-figure income, gain body confidence, be happy, live effortlessly etc.
So many people are telling us how to live, but who is telling us how to discern IF those ways of living are for us? What is your decision-making process because there is no “one size fits all”. In the end, you are the one who decides which direction, towards which goal, in what way…
I finally learned (I think it’s something I will continue to learn) that people are, at best, selling a method that worked for THEM. That some are even faking the results while selling the method they claim got them there. Most people don’t have the awareness that “not one size fits all”. I mean, I will be the first to admit that that was ME not many years back. I adamantly believed I had the ONE right way, one size fits all.
For one, we are so complex. Secondly, and it might sound cliché, we are at different stages of consciousness. Not only that, we are also here for different experiences, at least that’s my belief. Where am I going with this? I think there are a billion different methods that work perfectly, and you are the one who gets to decide which one at which time. I don’t know how you approach decision making, maybe you listen to your gut, maybe you gain clarity by talking out loud, maybe you “just know”, maybe you have to feel into it…
So, I said all that to bring you to this point: If you are here, you are looking for guidance and you need to know that not every practitioner has a method that works for you, nor will they have the awareness needed to tell if their method serves you. I know practitioners who are not committed to reconnecting you with your truth but try to make you fit into theirs – the method that worked for THEM. If there is one thing I can tell you, it is to listen to, and advocate for, yourself. Choose your practitioner wisely. Working with a practitioner should feel like a successful process. It should bring you closer to what you want, whatever that looks like to you.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 