Can someone enlighten me, please.
Men keep telling me to watch out for other men. I repeat: MEN are telling me to NOT trust OTHER MEN. Countless close male friends believe I will get violated, disrespected, coerced, or raped…
Men
can’t
be
trusted
.
(Interesting sidenote: Every man (!) tells me the same thing. It doesn’t add up. Everyone ELSE is the bad guy, but that’s what EVERYONE says. There’s no one left to BE the bad guy.)
Answer me this…
As a man, how does it feel that men warn women about you?
As a man, are you honest with yourself about the way you treat women?
If you have been in an intimate and/or sexual situation where you received feedback, what was your response?
I’ve had experiences that my friends considered to be rape, being woken up by being penetrated by someone I didn’t have a sexual relationship with, yet the men involved didn’t share my friends’ perspective. I’m not saying they denied it, the possibility of having hurt me was simply just not on their mind. They had an entirely different understanding of what had happened.
Another example: I was on a date with a guy whom I had been undeniably clear about my sexual boundaries prior to meeting. I explicitly told him I wanted to take things slow, and that sex was not on the table. His reassurance went above and beyond. He was NOT one of “those” guys, he would never hurt me, of course we would take it slow etc. Second date, he tries to finger me. I give calm feedback about it not being ok. He stands up, packs his bag, tells me he doesn’t want to see me again until I can see who he truly is (that he is NOT like other men), and leaves. We never spoke again.
What is this behavior? Please, someone explain how these situations are made possible?
Gunhild Archer, counselor 