Gunhild Archer, counselor

I have always been the kind of person who tries harder, doubles down, and puts in more effort. If it’s difficult, I’m not trying hard enough; if it didn’t work, I should have tried harder. I have run myself into the ground more times than I can count. I have stayed in relationships that weren’t going to work out for years (no one can say I didn’t try to make it work).

I took pride in the fight, that I never gave up. I still do. You know Billy Ocean’s song, “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going”… I like the sentence. There’s something to a person who doesn’t easily give up. Maybe it’s my Capricornianness, the goat energy. I mean, I can’t deny that something in me likes uphill battles. Or maybe it’s the channel of struggle and the gate of the fighter, the desire to fight for what’s meaningful. It can also be (it’s probably all three) my childhood conditioning. I had literally no way to get my needs met, it taught me to keep trying no matter what. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t get my needs met (not that I did, but I found consolidation in “at least I tried”).

Anyways…

I was telling my practitioner that I felt frustrated with recent situations that hadn’t worked out, despite my efforts of trying everything. He looked at me and calmly asked: “Have you ever taken a step back?”. I must have looked puzzled because he started laughing. I told him I had never, to which he responded, “no wonder you feel exhausted, not to forget the lack of results”.

We had a good conversation about the feminine nature, receptiveness, being led, and the projector strategy of waiting for invitation. Since then, I keep stopping myself from pushing through and putting in more effort. Instead, I’m asking myself if I want to continue giving energy, or if I feel better when I take a step back. It often feels better to take a step back. I mean, it makes my mind throw a fit, but my body, oh wow, does it relax. I’m lucky enough to know I can work through the fit my mind throws, that there’s a way to find peace from the internalized judgement and fear.

(1) Identifying what the judgements and fears are saying.

(2) Recognized that the voices are honest and genuine parts of you.

(3) Hear them out and acknowledge their experiences, feelings, and perspectives.

(4) If you can, tell them you got them and be ready to execute supportive action in day-to-day situations. If you can’t make that promise, resource someone internally who can.