Gunhild Archer, counselor

In Human Design there is a gate called The Gate of Fighter. It’s part of my incarnation cross. Its primary action is to fight for things that have meaning and purpose. I have come to understand it as “choose what to fight for/choose your battles”. I follow a Human Design person, Christie Inge, she says that the positive side of gate 38 is to find enjoyment in the pressure to evolve and make life meaningful, while on the negative side of the spectrum, you find the energy of fighting for the sake of fighting, and the tendency to believe that life is meant to be an unhealthy struggle. I don’t know why it’s been coming up lately, but I’ve been deep in thought (still is) regarding where I extend/invest myself and my energy. So far this is my clarity.

I don’t want to fight to get to know you. If you don’t want to tell me who you are, how you feel, what you are thinking, if you don’t want to let me see you, I won’t fight you.

I don’t want to fight to make you want me, see me, or understand me. If it doesn’t fill you with good, warm feelings to get to know me, understand me, swim in my depths, or hold my hand while we do life together, I won’t try to make you.

I don’t want to fight to be in your reality. If you are not in touch with your emotional world, lack awareness of how you feel, don’t know when you are acting out unconscious parts, if you are wholeheartedly buying into beliefs that are untrue, and you don’t have an interest in becoming aware of those said things, I won’t fight to be with you.

I don’t want to fight to feel something I don’t or be someone I’m not. I expect myself to open my heart fully to people who aren’t fully committed or compatible. No matter what happens, I expect myself to feel safe, warm, open, and loving, and to treat the relationship with the same dedication as I would with a marriage.

I don’t want to fight for someone who isn’t all in.

I don’t want to fight for the notion that l don’t need someone to hold my best interest in their hands and treat it as the precious thing it is. I have lacked people who want to commit and take ownership of my emotional reality my whole life. I have fought to take care of myself, be strong, and never rely on anyone else, believing that it’s the right thing to do. I didn’t want to burden others. Asking them to be responsible for my best interest made me feel like I was forcing them. I no longer want to hold onto the belief that people don’t want me to rely on them, that they are burdened by taking ownership of me.