Yesterday, ten years ago, marked the day I established Archer Insight. 31st of August 2014. I have given my business, my career, the path I thought I wanted, 10 years. Ten full years, and it is enough. I’m not quitting, I’m not giving up. It’s not a goodbye or an ending. Although, in some ways it is, an ending. My focus is shifting.
I remember the first post I made on Instagram. I told the world “I want to be seen”. It has been ten years of trying to connect with whomever is on the other side of the screen, or should I say, to whomever I THOUGHT was on the other side of the screen. I have shown my truth, explained my process, I have told you how to connect with yourself; all through showing you how I connect with myself. I believed (still do) we need to see the humanness in each other, so I showed the “unacceptable” parts of myself. I have been, at times, painstakingly transparent.
I have spent the past ten years learning to love myself, and I showed you the process. I tried my best, at times probably with uncomfortable intensity, to tell you: “It CAN be better. You DESERVE to be loved. EVERY part of you is lovable. NO aspect of you deserves to be judged. I WANT to be by your side. Whatever you bring to the table, everything is WELCOME”.
You have seen me try, cry, struggle, grow, change… You have seen me oscillate between different approaches in an attempt to be seen. The words “I tried a billion things, and it was all in vain” is in the back of my head. In a way it is true. I never reached the goal of being recognized to the degree I hoped to be. I didn’t achieve the financial success I wanted. At the same time, it is also NOT true, I wouldn’t say it was in vain.
I wanted to reach people, I wanted to be seen, to be “someone”, I wanted to be recognized and looked up to, to be valued, validated in what I saw, and I wanted my perspective to be recognized as valuable. Those are unmet needs from my childhood. It is tempting to see the ten years as a “repeat” of my childhood pattern: I played out my part in the family constellation with my “audience”. Although there is truth in that, it is not the full picture, at least not anymore. Trying to get my needs met externally forced me to face myself. I have come to see and accept my myself in a new way, found value in myself, recognize my perspective as valuable, and I have started to validate what I see. I saw how valuable my non-judgmental way of being is. For those who experience it, it’s deeply healing and transformative. I learned that there is nothing that will make me pull away from you. I’m slowly recognizing my perspective as something worth advocating for.
I feel like most people haven’t grasped what I do, nor understood my message. Maybe it’s true, maybe not.
I love my job. I will never not love working with clients. I’m going to continue to be available for sessions, and my offers will remain as they are. 1:1-sessions, couples’ sessions, and courses are available for purchase, but I’m no longer focusing on trying to reach people. I decided I will pour my focus onto myself. Despite just having started, I can feel that my new project is going to be the biggest outpour of love towards myself I have experienced.
What about my income, financial security, and saving for retirement?
I don’t know.
All I know is that the project has made me feel peace in a way I longed for, for a long time.
Gunhild Archer, counselor 