Gunhild Archer, counselor

The recipe is simple. Start with the now (what you want), visit the past (and create understanding), aim for the future (set your goal post), and clear out the noise (belief work/parts work/trauma work/presence).

• Write down the thing you want to change, something that will genuinely make your life better.

Ex: “I’m taking on too much responsibility and I’m carrying the weight for everyone else.”

• You want to understand why you are doing what you are doing. Ask yourself what you gain from taking on responsibility and by carrying the weight for everyone else. Ask yourself what the consequence would be if you stopped.

Ex: “When I take on more responsibilities, I stop people around me from being overwhelmed (they snap really fast when they are overwhelmed). When I don’t let anyone else carry the weight, I don’t have to deal with the constantly anxiousness of being let down. If I let people carry the weight, I risk them being let down, and I’m the one who has to step in and save the day.”

• Figure out what kind of quality or trait you can embody to break free from the pattern. Make it fun if you can.

Ex: “High-achieving CEO’s will never afford to take on tasks that doesn’t serve their vision. Self-serving people look out for their best interest and will not put in effort that doesn’t benefit them.”

• Commit to being the person who has the quality of trait that breaks you free. Say it out loud, tell people, post it on social media, or write it on a piece of paper and put it on the mirror. Make a promise to be “that” person. When we make promises, especially publicly, we DON’T want to break our word.

Ex: “Social media post: You can rely on me to be self-serving! Count me in for doing the least amount of effort (while trying to get maximum rewards!).”

• Your commitment is going to flush up your resistance, everything that isn’t onboard with your new goal will show up. When that happens, know that everything is going according to plan. Invite your resistance in for tea! Observe it, get to know it, hear what it has to say… Its concerns are valid. The only way forward is by taking them into account.