Gunhild Archer, MD in Psychology and Counseling

My childhood dynamic in a nutshell, an excerpt. It is a story about internalization and gaslighting.

Pressure is created when personality fragments oppose each other.

Relief occurs when a witnessing focus is turned inwards.

I see you, all of you.

I see your hurt. I see you feeling unwanted. I see you longing for connection. I see you feeling disconnected. I see the loss of self-trust when your perception is not recognized as correct. I see how any reality would feel better than being denied reality, even if the reality was “I don’t feel comfortable with your energy”.

I see you, turning against the hurt. I see you wanting to deny the hurt’s existence. I see how important it is for the hurt to NOT come out. I see how threatening it is to be denied what you perceive in the other. I see how it makes you question your own sanity when you share your perception and you are met with denial, whether it is intentional or unintentional. I see the chokehold it puts you in. I see how strong your desire to remain connected is. I understand why you keep telling yourself that if you can just “feel through the feeling”, the feeling will go away and you can reestablish connect on the premise of the other: that they are fine, everything is as it always is.

I see your despair towards the two other parts being at odds. I see your fear of the hurt not passing. I see your frustration as the hurt, our personal truth, is being made an enemy. I see the double bind you are in. You can’t feel close when your perception is not recognized by the other as their truth. Separate realities = pain, loneliness, danger. Neither do you want to leave the relationship. Pulling away hurts.

I see you.

I love you.