We agree that it’s the parents’ job to raise their kids. In other words, the responsibility for how the kids turn out lies, to a large degree, with the parents.
In other words, we are inherently saying that what the parents do – it matters. It makes sense, if parents couldn’t influence their kids, it wouldn’t make sense putting energy into raising them.
We also know that when we first start out in anything, the foundation is laid. Our earliest years are foundational years, they shape us. It goes for our first years in kindergarten, at school or work, in sports… Those early experiences shape our relationship to that said thing. Of course, the same logic applies when talking about your upbringing. It shapes your relationship with your parents, the world, your emotions, who you are, life in general, your body, resources, conflict, your sexuality, love etc.
Our first experience sets the tone for the relationship with fill-in-the-blank; we stress before a first date because “first impression matters”, we hire professionals who do quality work and are aware of the risk when we go for the cheap option, and agree that it’s important to build a solid foundation, after all, no one wants a 7-store building with rotten girders.
We all understand the connection between
first experience/original input
and
foundation/outcome/result…
I remember speaking to someone in the judicial system. Their job is to reason and were highly adequate at it. A, then B, leads to C etc., that was their strong suit. Yet, they shrugged their shoulders and said, “My childhood didn’t impact me”. Suddenly, A wasn’t followed by B.
The statement makes no sense, you have a foundation, and it has an impact, you can’t deny that.
You might not want to know its impact.
You might not want to acknowledge its impact.
That’s up to you to decide, but it HAS an impact. Good AND bad.
There are consequences to acknowledging the impact of your upbringing just as there are consequences if you don’t. Honestly, it will be hard either way.
Living without truth hurts in its own way.
Living in truth hurts in a different way.
In my experience though, only one will set you free. But again, freedom might be something you’re seeking, or it might not.
What I want for you is that whatever you choose, you choose it with your chest. I mean, why be here if not to consciously choose the life you want?
Gunhild Archer, MD in Psychology and Counseling 