One of my favorite expressions in Ertugrul: Resurrection (think Turks, Crusaders, and Mongols trying to conquer land while avoiding being toppled by internal backstabbing) is: “I entrust you with…” or “You are entrusted to…”. It’s a phrase commonly used when the leader leaves to fight one their enemies, and he leaves the responsibility of the tribe to his trusted mentor, son, brother, or sometimes his mom. The leader always entrusts his mom, and wife and children, if he has a family of his own, to his most trusted brother – a fellow soldier.
I like the phrase because it highlights the responsibility that comes with close relationships. As someone who grew up in the western culture, I have never experienced the ownership I see in Ertugrul: Resurrection. When Ertugrul entrusts the tribe to his oldest brother, and his mother to Abdulraman, one of his closest friends, it makes me think about the weight he puts on them. What Ertugrul essentially is saying is: “If anything happens to my tribe or my mother, I will hold you personally accountable”. That’s an immense level of weight. It’s class a responsibility.
And it’s not just the responsibility; the phrase is also saying something about the value of whom is being entrusted, in this case the tribe and the mother. Ertugrul doesn’t leave without making sure their safety and well-being is ensured. He doesn’t ask a random man from the tribe, he asks someone he trusts. Every time there’s a scene when the warriors in the tribe are leaving for battle, their partners and mothers are entrusted to a man who has proven themselves to be loyal to the point he would sacrifice his life to protect the person he was entrusted with. Sometimes the warrior’s parting words are “I entrust you to Allah”, which to me is extremely moving. Imagine being so precious to someone that he asks God to protect you. Despite the times being different, do you know someone who, before he left for a 5-week vacation, would ensure you are taken care of?
I have thought a lot about the relationship between the warriors and the women in their lives. I have imagined myself being the woman they entrust to their best friend and fellow warrior. It makes me feel a level of protection and ownership I’m not familiar with. It brings up fear, but it’s also an experience I want to know with my entire being.
When I imagine being the man who entrusts the woman in my life to one of the closest men in my life, a man I trust my life with, it makes me think about how much I value the woman who has chosen to be by my side. She is important to me, I love her deeply, and I need to know she will be ok. I imagine dying in battle… I would only die in peace if I knew she was in safe hands.
I have asked myself “who would I entrust MY loved ones to?”, and it has been a surprise how quickly I discard people. People I assumed I would ask have gone instantly out the window. I have also asked who would I entrust myself with, as well as how I would feel about being entrusted with someone. I’m curious how you feel about the idea of having someone in your life who would make sure you are entrusted to a safe, caring, and reliable person.
Have we forgotten that having relationships asks for capacity to care for people in a way that make their lives easier?
Gunhild Archer, MD in Psychology and Counseling 